Birthday Eve Reflections

So I have these 20 Something playlists. I started collecting songs around 24 that were helping me through post-college awkwardness, career disappointment and family fun. I’ll be starting my 7th one tomorrow (I normally start a new one on my birthday or half-birthday). I’m reflecting on the 18th songs that have touched me in the last 6 months. I don’t think I have ever relied so heavily on music for my sanity since the summer my depression/anxiety decided to show up. These last 6 months have hurt. I’m not sure how else to describe it. No boy has broken my heart, no friend stabbed me in the back and there has been no tragedy in the family. But it’s been a period of  learning lessons, opening my soul up in new and frustrating ways, and limbo in seemingly every aspect of my life. It’s been emotionally exhausting and for 27, I honestly just want rest. A place of my own to rest. The peace of providing for myself financially and not always juggling projects and jobs. Clarity when it comes to theology and church community. A person to come alongside me and bring my heart rest after years of longing for him. I don’t know what of this will happen, but I just know something’s got to give. And I know God is putting me through of all of this for a reason and He’s closer than ever. It’s a twisted blessing to learn these lessons and I’m so thankful to my amazing parents, loyal friends and all my incredible co-workers that are helping me learn them. So here is my 26.5 playlist with lyrics that better describe these experiences. Some are comforting and some just helped me process that day or week. Some are current and some are throwbacks that finally made sense. I hope they mean something to you too.

“In the wake of every heartache. In the depth of every fear. There were diamonds waiting to break out of here. All your curses will surrender. Every demon worth will kneel. They’re just mountains, mountains about to turn into fields.You’ve taken down so many others. Oh but you’ll know my name when you see. And in these ashes I’m stronger still. You’ll learn to feel my pain, yeah you will.” Diamonds, Johnnyswim

“Far be it from me to not believe even when my eyes can’t see. And this mountain that’s in front of me will be thrown into the midst of the sea. So let go my soul and trust in Him. The waves and wind still know His name.”It is Well, Bethel Music.

“Сause you are loved more than you know. I hereby pledge all of my days to prove it so.” Light, Sleeping at Last.

“Tell the reaper, tell the repo man. I’ve got nothing that belongs to him. Ruin pushes rubble in the city of sin. But I found love at the end of the world.” End of the World, John Mark McMillian

“Your time will come if you wait for it. It’s hard, believe me… I’ve tried. But I keep coming up short.” – Amsterdam, Imagine Dragons

“You make me brave. No fear can hinder now the promises You’ve made.” You Make Me Brave, Bethel Music.

“So let your heart, sweet heart. Be your compass when you’re lost. And you should follow it wherever it may go” – Compass, Lady Antebellum

“You’re the only thing that I love. It scares me more every day. On my knees I think clearer.” – Chocolate, Snow Patrol (throwing it back to high school).

“Cause I’m so sick and tired of being sick and tired” – Closer to Myself, Kendall Payne (and junior high).

“In the process, in the waiting, You’re making melodies over me” Shepherd, Bethel Music.

“Everything that kills me makes me feel alive. Make that money. Watch it burn. Old, but I’m not that old. Young, but I’m not that bold.” – Counting Stars, One Republic

“God of mercy, sweet love of mine. I have surrendered to Your design. May this offering stretch across the skies and these Halleluiahs be multiplied.” Multiplied, NeedToBreathe

“Nothing’s going to bring me down this time. Nothings going to break my heart. Shed those tears that couldn’t be ignored. Back to basics. Back to the here and now. Getting back on my feet again just like before. Getting back to the drawing board.” Drawing Board, Tony Lucca.

“The one who reigns forever, He is a friend of mine” Whom Shall I Fear, Chris Tomlin.

“Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters wherever You would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander. And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior.” Oceans, Hillsong.

“I hope to learn as time goes by that I should trust what’s deep inside. Burning bright, my sensible heart.” Sensible Heart, City and Colour.

“What you say is your religion. How you say it’s your religion. Who you love is your religion. How you love is your religion. All your science, your religion. All your hatred, your religion. All your wars are your religion. Every breath is your religion.” The World You Want, Switchfoot.